a poem about miscarriage

read with care

"close the lid and flush" 

write me the eulogy 
for the baby that will never be

sing me the lullaby 
they will never hear

show me how to mourn 
a being only ever real to me

tell me what to do 
with the sac of tissue 
hitting my toilet with a thwack

                not 
          a 
baby

and yet —

the last bloom of the year from our wedding roses